Quiet baby, we hardly knew ya!

I’ve been meaning to write this post for days now. Having been through two adoptions now, I find it simply amazing how quickly these little ones change; from being a complete stranger (other than having their pictures, but they don’t have ours!) to someone you feel you’ve known forever. It’s funny how we talk about, “He usually does this” or “He really likes that” and then you stop and remember that you’ve only known this person for a few days. How can you possibly know what he usually does or likes? In one way patterns develop very quickly. In other ways, you realize that it’s like peeling off the layers of an onion. What you see is not always what you get. All this is complicated, of course, by the fact that the development of any human being is quite fast at this age. So, you’ve got a confluence of several factors all coming together to create the person you know, at this point in time. And these same factors, along with yet unknown ones, will create the person you’ll know later on.

When we met Luke we were told by his nannies that he was a very easy-going boy. This was very true and, in many respects, it continues to be so. When we changed Luke’s diaper, he laid down quietly – he was not unexpressive – but fairly compliant. When we bathed him for the first time, he splashed and delighted in the water. When we slathered him with yucky scabies cream, he quite willingly allowed us to do so with a smile on his face. When we put on his long, feet pajamas, something he’d never experienced before, he didn’t protest. When we fed him using the bottles we had brought with us from Canada, he drank easily. He had no leg strength. If you’d set him down on his feet holding his hands, he’d sit right down. He would smile readily, sleep easily, move a round a bit, look at toys and experiment – and he was quiet. He hardly cried and when he did, it was a very quiet little cry – almost newborn-like. He also didn’t babble much and only laughed at Norah. Flash forward almost 2 weeks later and things are so different in many respects…

When we change Luke’s diaper, he wriggles around (he also scratches incessantly at his belly, which is so itchy, poor thing). When we bathe him, he squeals with delight, splashes and moves around a lot. When we put his feet jammies on, he screams and pulls at them, annoyed by the confinement. We no longer feed him using the bottles we brought. After a few days, he was not drinking as much as he had been and upon careful inspection, I realized that the nipple of the bottle we got from the orphanage (which has seen better days and we wanted to stop relying on) is very tiny, thus creating a very slow flow. The nipples we brought are fast flow – more typical for a baby of his age, but not what he’s been used to. We bought new bottles that more closely mimic the one we got from the orphanage. He’s happier and drinks a full bottle again. He pulls himself up ALL THE TIME and stands holding onto everything. It’s his favorite mode of being. The leg strength he’s gained in such a short time is amazing. He still smiles readily, sleeps fairly easily, plays a lot with toys now, and…he’s not quiet! Turns out, Lukey is a total chatterbox. He coos and babbles and makes funny little inhaling noises. Just today he started saying “Mama, mama, mama” (Note: it's NOT ma ma ma ma ma) constantly. And even better, he says it in my direction! Now, I’m sure it’s coincidence, but it still makes me feel good! He also cries a fair bit now – cries when he’s sitting down and stops as soon as you stand up with him. Cries when he wants attention, cries when he wakes up. Cries when he’s frustrated. And it’s not a quiet little cry anymore. He’s gained lung strength to match the leg strength! He also moves around all the time – he’s gone from commando-style crawling to crawling on his knees and gets into everything. We’re going to have to get out all those cupboard door closer-thingies we never had to use with Norah (see, I don’t even know what they’re called they were so unused!).

How each child deals with the loss and abrupt change that is inherent in adoption, particularly international adoption, is something that no one can ever really know. My hypothesis is that Luke was in shock the first few days. However, being the generally easy-going guy we think he is, he was quite pleasant and didn’t show overt signs of grieving. Now, he’s coming to be more comfortable around us and his personality is starting to shine more. Everything is bigger, brighter, and louder – the good and the bad (and really, we’ve been lucky that’s there’s not been much bad so far). It’s such a privilege to be able to discover a new layer of this little guy every day.

Luke trying to figure out a new toy the day after we met him

Content to sit still early on in our relationship

Eating the way the nannies used to feed him - practically laying down - he sits now

Visiting the post office and posing with Daddy

Sitting in a high chair the first (and only so far) time

Getting the hang of playing with toys

So agile I can do a one-handed push-up while drinking a bottle of water

Doing something a little different with the comb-over

The angst of a baby when Mama takes the toothpaste tube away

I'll get that tube back, and do it with a soother hanging out of the side of my mouth, dammit!